How am I suppose to begin again?
by galaxyghost
Summary: Misaki's life comes tumbling down around her. Usui has left to London, and Misa's father comes back home. What will Misa do?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! It's Mya. This is my first ever Maid Sama fanfic so be nice, okay? Enjoy! And sorry if there were any spelling mistakes ect**.

**MISAKI POV**

It was two weeks after moving into my new apartment, and 2 months after Usui moved back to London. I left my home because of my father, who was now living there.

**FLASH BACK***

Suzana and I were on the couch, staring at the scene on the floor. My father, on his knees, was begging my mother to let him come "home". This was not his home anymore. My naive mother, of course gave him sympathy, but no words. She listened to every word that came out his mouth, nodding her head after every sentence he spoke. He talked, and talked about where he was, what he went through, how he felt, AND how he ran out of money. I was too furious to even comprehend what he was saying. Just watching his mouth move disgusted me. Suzana, as usual, had no expression.

My mother was also on her knees, kneeling facing my father, and had tears in her eyes. After about an hour of him telling and explaining a bunch of bullshit to my mother, they started hugging. They finally let each other go after 5 loooonng minutes.

When they let go of each other, my father finally looked at me and Suzana, for the first time since he arrived here, begging. He looked at us with that pout, and those fake puppy eyes, expecting pity, probably. Suzana didn't do anything but glanced back at my father, still without expression. While I gave him the glare of death, sort of like the one I use to give to the ignorant boys at Saka high. I stood up, and left the room, no words, no tears, nothing. I went upstairs to my bedroom.

I sat in the chair where I use to study, work, and read for hours on end, sometimes the whole night. In disbelief that my mother accepted his apology, I put a hand over my fore head. My head ached, and so did my heart. The head ache caused by my father, and the heart ache caused by Usui.

He left to London, for a reason I didn't understand and chose not to. Trying not to think about him, I instead, not to my liking, switched my thoughts over to my father. I could hear my mother downstairs, due to my thin floorboards, every word was heard. My mother was letting my father move back in, after every thing he has done to use, leaving, leaving us with nothing but debt.

I walked over to my closet, reaching up to grab my hidden box from the high shelf. I grabbed it and slammed it on top of my desk. Opening it, laid my savings. I had over 5 thousand, at least. I've saved up for over 10 years, and it was all in this box. I counted my money, and made the biggest decision of my life.

My bags, suitcases, and personal belonging were packed. They must had heard the slam my suitcases made on the stairs because they all came rushing to the bottom of the stair case. I reached the bottom, and he was in my way. "Move" was all I said. My father stepped back, far.

My mother gripped the back of my suitcase, stopping it from rolling any further. "M-misa, where are you- what are you doing?" She asked with those eyes that I had a weak spot for. I loved my mother, with everything that I had, she was always there for me, especially when other people weren't... I looked back at her while she still gripped my suitcase. As much as she was my mother, and as much as I loved her, she had no real power over me. Most choices and decisions I've made, I made myself, and this one was one by myself. I looked into her eyes, those eyes that made me want to pull her into a hug, mom. I couldn't control the tears that broke through my eyes. "I can't be here, not anymore" I managed to say, so quietly, almost a whisper. And with that I left, for good.


	2. the stars

****MISAKI POV****

I was lying on my floor bed that I somehow managed to move into my new apartment from my old house.

I still had my wonderful job, and I was still the president at Saka High. I still had everything that I needed, and that I worked for, what was missing?

Takumi Usui. Perverted alien. He was missing. Never in my life did I ever imagine myself dwelling over a guy, especially one that left me, thousands of miles away. Why did he leave me again? I don't know. All I know is that it was 2 months, three days, and 12 hours ago, I also know that it shattered my heart.

Trying to remember why he left, my nose scrunched up, and my head started to ache. I sat up, and stared at the glass door to my balcony. It was probably around 2 am, basing off of the stars in the sky. I use to watch the stars when I was little, when things were less complicated, and nice. I sat up, tiresome, with my lean shoulders slouched, and my mouth open, in awe, and extremely tired. I got up, taking my black sheet with me, and went outside on the balcony.

The apartment wasn't bad, the rent is good, it's in nice shape, and it's located between maid latte and Saka, so it's basically perfect. I sat back in the hard plastic lawn chair I found last week, it was going to be garbage, but I made a different path for it, and brought it into my new apartment. I leaned back watched the stars sparkle in the dark sky. I missed this feeling, relaxing, even though I should have been doing more important things, like studying, working, cleaning, getting my life together.

I grabbed the pack of cigarettes that lay on top of a short and skinny wooden stand. I also made a different path for that stand. I took those cigarettes from a couple of idiot boys that thought smoking on school grounds was acceptable. I didn't give into smoking easily, trust me. It was the second day of living by myself, and I decided to bring these pack of cigarettes home. I hesitated a lot, I knew what damage smoking could do to you. I studied the first cigarette I pulled out for a very long time. The idiot boys even left their lighter inside of the pack. Fully aware of what was inside a cigarette, I lit it.

I've been smoking for only two weeks, and only 1 cigarette a day, sometimes 2, depending on how well my day was. Today wasn't such a good day, and this was my second cigarette. It taste awful, but there's something about them that makes me feel better. I understood that this was a bad way to handle stress, and depression but I take what I can get, obviously.

Earlier today while I was working, at maid latte, I had a panic attack, I think you'd call them. It was the first time I had one in two months. The cafe wasn't too bad, it wasn't too busy, and it wasn't too empty. It was hot outside, lots of sun. The inside of the cafe was cool, thank god for air conditioning. The costumers seem to be enjoying themselves, and the atmosphere was calm, so I took a tiny break.

I leaned against the china the that beheld the antique dishes, I was staring at an empty table in the corner. He use to sit there, almost everyday, drinking coffee and staring at me like a creep. It bothered me, but deep down inside I knew I liked it, I knew I like Takumi. I took everything he gave me for granted, his company, his comfort, his respect, everything. The sun shone through the curtains and landed right on the table, making it glow. It felt like I was being haunted by ghost, like something that wasn't there was there, like he was still watching over me, like he never left.

All these thought were running through my head, and I stopped thinking when I felt Erika's hands shaking my shoulders and she was continuously telling me to "calm down!". The tray I was holding fell to the ground, and my body was shaking like an earth quake. My hands covered my face, and my eyes were locked on that table. Crying. Uncontrollably. I felt the eyes of everyone watching me drilling holes in my body. My heart was racing fast, pumping, and pumping, I could hear my heart through my ears. My vision became bleary, and my mind was numb, like everything else. When I finally regained consciousness, I was in the back, with everyone surrounding me.

They let me go home of course, but they kept asking me the same questions, over, and over, and over. "Are you okay?", "are you alright", "what happen", "want me to walk you home?", "how are you feeling", "was it about him?".

I denied all of their offers, and questions, and went home. I got off pretty early, and I had lots of time to finish up on things I was behind on, homework, student council papers.

I stared at the stars and tried to remember what time it was in London, maybe him and I were looking at the same stars, just maybe. Maybe he missed me as but as I did him, maybe he felt as lost and confused as I. I don't know, I really don't.

A tear rolled down my cheek, I couldn't handle tears anymore, they came when they wanted, I wasn't surprised though, I've had worst than this.


	3. Why did he leave?

****MISAKI POV****

They wouldn't let me work for days at Maid Latte, due to my panic attack about week ago. But it's been a week, and I'm back! I had loads of time after school for the last week, and I'm caught up with everything, I'm actually a little ahead. We had all of the student council meetings we needed, and wanted, so there's nothing else going on there. The atmosphere at Saka has seen very calm, and fresh. Probably because I've been more strict than usual. After Takumi left, I've became an even meaner person than I was before he left.

Nobody dares to mess with me, not even the punks at Saka. I notice this when I'm walking down the halls, or really just walking anywhere in Saka, they all fear me. I'm not sure if it's for the better of for the worst though. The student council doesn't get any dumb requests anymore, there aren't any request, (which is quite boring). Nothing goes on at Saka anymore, the school has become quiet, and dull, every since he le- No! It's not because of him, it's because if me! I've worked so hard for this position I'm in right now, not him, not anyone! But it may be true... It probably is, my behavior was more kind when he was around. I don't know why but he just gave that spark that added more to the spark I already had. When he was around, I let my guard down more often, I smiled, I laughed, I was kind, I was relaxed.

Now I'm not longer warm blooded, I'm like a shark, stern, and cold. I've become numb, I feel nothing, just emptiness, and sorrow. After Takumi was gone, everything else seemed to have disappeared, oh man how I wish that I have never met him, or looked into his eyes, or kissed him, touched his unbelievably soft locks of blonde hair. I wish I never saw his talent, his generosity, his smile, his stare, his figure, his everything. Every since I gotten to know him, he is all I can think about. I was fine without him in the beginning, how can I find my way back? How do I forget someone that's so rememberable?

After he disappeared, so did everyone else, my mother, my sister, my friends, and everyone else I socialized with. None of them want anything to do with me. This loneliness will be the death of me. I smile at people, I wave, but little do they know. Little do they know about the suffering, the panicking, the crying, the pain of love. Is this love? This ache right here? On my chest, is that suppose to ache? Why doesn't love love you back? Why does it only hurt you, and make you distant from the people you want to be with? Why do I want to be alone but yearn for company at the same time?

My break was almost over, and I had to take out the trash. Sighing, I pushed the back doors open with my hands that were holding two heavy garbage bags. The wind hit my skin like bullets, and I could see the smoke coming from my mouth, it was really cold. I threw the garbage bags over my should into the dump. I had about a good four minutes of my break left, so I decided to have a smoke. I had the cigarette in my mouth, now all I had to do was light it, but it was troublesome in this weather. The wind kept knocking the light over and over and over. Struggling to keep it lit for more than 2 seconds, I was getting frustrated. I finally got the light, and it was half way to going back into the lighter when a hand cuffed the light, blocking it from the wind. I looked up immediately to see who it was. The familiar face sent shivers up my spine.

I ran and I ran. The same thoughts running through my mind. Was it him? No it couldn't have been him, he's in London right? He said he wasn't coming back didn't he? It's only been two months? Why did he come back? Why did he leave? I am still wear my maids uniform? I am! Oh no people are staring at me! They probably think I'm crazy! What if someone from Saka sees me running around in a maids uniform? What will they think? How do I explain this mess? Why is he here? Why do I want to run back to him? Why do I want to run into his arms? Why is he back? Why is he here?


End file.
